Fun fact about my crazy family... my brother in law actually believes that the popular 1980's show "Alf" ripped him off and stole the line "Excuse me for livin'" from him. He will randomly rant about the fictional alien "stealing his line" and while the rest of us think he is absolutely crazy, he truly believes it. So of course, being the comforting, supportive family we are, we all will randomly declare "Excuse me for liven'!" just so we can get a rise out of him. I use this line as the subject of this entry, because there is something that has been on my mind regarding that phrase.
I am an apologizer. I apologize for EVERYTHING. In an "excuse me for livin'" kind of way, because sometimes when I apologize, I don't even know why. I grew up in a family that are all apologizers. Almost every sentence starts with "I'm sorry, but could you..." or "I'm sorry did I..." If I seem to apologize often, my mother apologizes about fifty times more than I do. My husband is NOT an apologizer and neither is his family. He is the one that made me realize that I apologize constantly. If I'm tired and want to go to bed I say, "I'm sorry honey, I'm going to go to bed." Jack clearly doesn't care one little bit if I go to bed. He knows I am tired. He gets full reign over the TV and can watch his sports center camped out on the couch when I go to bed. Why do I feel the need to apologize? I apologize for taking too long to get out of the shower, or when Jack brings me a glass of water. I apologize to the cashier at the grocery store if I have a question. I start questions with "I'm sorry, but I have a question..." Why do I do this? I know I am not the only one that does this, because I notice when other people apologize meaninglessly as well.
I don't intend my constant apologies to become meaningless. It's more of an insecurity than anything else. I grew up in an apologetic home. My family has classically had a difficult time saying what they really think and feel. I am by far the most opinionated and loudest person in my immediate family. Yet I still apologize my life away.
This is something I certainly need to work on, and have been trying. Sometimes after I apologize, I will say, "Wait, I'm not sorry. I'm a liar. I didn't mean that. I shouldn't have to be sorry for that." Sometimes people laugh at this and I will explain that I'm trying not to apologize for every damn thing in my life. This is something I need to stop doing. I am NOT sorry for every little thing. I am NOT sorry when someone else bumps into me at the gas station. I am NOT sorry when the card reader at the check out doesn't work. I am NOT sorry when an incredibly NOT ill patient has to wait a few extra minutes because myself and the rest of the staff are handling a cardiac arrest. I am NOT sorry that I am going to bed early, or taking a bath for 20 minutes, or having a cup of coffee before I make breakfast.
We all need to stop apologizing when we aren't sorry. There are times in my life when I truly AM sorry. There are times when I yell at my husband for no good reason, or when I am inadvertently inconsiderate. I need to save my apologies for when I really mean it; when I have something for which to be sorry. Not that I hope do things that call for a true apology, but lets face it, it happens to the best of us. I am far from perfect. I am trying to correct myself when I apologize for something unnecessary.
I feel like apologizing constantly is one way I deal with that dreaded "mom guilt" as well. You know that mom guilt. She is one sneaky bitch. As hard as we all try to fight it, it sneaks in and steals our confidence. I will loudly declare to any woman out there that they deserve to take care of themselves. That hardworking moms need to take walks, and go out for coffee, and have "mental health" days. However, when I attempt to apply the same rules to myself, I end up apologizing for every minute of it. My husband is 100% supportive of me taking time for myself, just like I am 100% supportive of him when he does. I somehow apply my guilt to him every time I do something for myself. I feel like he MUST be irritated with me for going to that painting class with my sister, or for taking a long bath. It isn't him. It's the mom guilt and my apologetic personality that makes me feel that way.
We don't HAVE to be sorry for everything. We don't have to apologize for things when we AREN'T sorry. We have no reason to apologize for every little tiny thing. we should not have to feel that we have to be "Excused from livin'!" Ok that was a terrible attempt at a pun on that silly phrase. But I'm NOT going to apologize for it!
I am an apologizer. I apologize for EVERYTHING. In an "excuse me for livin'" kind of way, because sometimes when I apologize, I don't even know why. I grew up in a family that are all apologizers. Almost every sentence starts with "I'm sorry, but could you..." or "I'm sorry did I..." If I seem to apologize often, my mother apologizes about fifty times more than I do. My husband is NOT an apologizer and neither is his family. He is the one that made me realize that I apologize constantly. If I'm tired and want to go to bed I say, "I'm sorry honey, I'm going to go to bed." Jack clearly doesn't care one little bit if I go to bed. He knows I am tired. He gets full reign over the TV and can watch his sports center camped out on the couch when I go to bed. Why do I feel the need to apologize? I apologize for taking too long to get out of the shower, or when Jack brings me a glass of water. I apologize to the cashier at the grocery store if I have a question. I start questions with "I'm sorry, but I have a question..." Why do I do this? I know I am not the only one that does this, because I notice when other people apologize meaninglessly as well.
I don't intend my constant apologies to become meaningless. It's more of an insecurity than anything else. I grew up in an apologetic home. My family has classically had a difficult time saying what they really think and feel. I am by far the most opinionated and loudest person in my immediate family. Yet I still apologize my life away.
This is something I certainly need to work on, and have been trying. Sometimes after I apologize, I will say, "Wait, I'm not sorry. I'm a liar. I didn't mean that. I shouldn't have to be sorry for that." Sometimes people laugh at this and I will explain that I'm trying not to apologize for every damn thing in my life. This is something I need to stop doing. I am NOT sorry for every little thing. I am NOT sorry when someone else bumps into me at the gas station. I am NOT sorry when the card reader at the check out doesn't work. I am NOT sorry when an incredibly NOT ill patient has to wait a few extra minutes because myself and the rest of the staff are handling a cardiac arrest. I am NOT sorry that I am going to bed early, or taking a bath for 20 minutes, or having a cup of coffee before I make breakfast.
We all need to stop apologizing when we aren't sorry. There are times in my life when I truly AM sorry. There are times when I yell at my husband for no good reason, or when I am inadvertently inconsiderate. I need to save my apologies for when I really mean it; when I have something for which to be sorry. Not that I hope do things that call for a true apology, but lets face it, it happens to the best of us. I am far from perfect. I am trying to correct myself when I apologize for something unnecessary.
I feel like apologizing constantly is one way I deal with that dreaded "mom guilt" as well. You know that mom guilt. She is one sneaky bitch. As hard as we all try to fight it, it sneaks in and steals our confidence. I will loudly declare to any woman out there that they deserve to take care of themselves. That hardworking moms need to take walks, and go out for coffee, and have "mental health" days. However, when I attempt to apply the same rules to myself, I end up apologizing for every minute of it. My husband is 100% supportive of me taking time for myself, just like I am 100% supportive of him when he does. I somehow apply my guilt to him every time I do something for myself. I feel like he MUST be irritated with me for going to that painting class with my sister, or for taking a long bath. It isn't him. It's the mom guilt and my apologetic personality that makes me feel that way.
We don't HAVE to be sorry for everything. We don't have to apologize for things when we AREN'T sorry. We have no reason to apologize for every little tiny thing. we should not have to feel that we have to be "Excused from livin'!" Ok that was a terrible attempt at a pun on that silly phrase. But I'm NOT going to apologize for it!
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