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Bodily Fluids...

The one thing no one told me about being a parent was the huge amount of bodily fluids I would have to endure. Don't get me wrong... I knew there would be a lot. I did understand that I was responsible for that little person's fluids. You become very in tune to what is coming out of the orifices of your brand new baby. You painstakingly monitor every ounce they take in and the color, volume and consistency of all that comes out. What they don't tell you, is when they get a bit older, they are incredibly interested in those fluids. No one told me that my 2 yo middle child would put her hands in her diaper then try to play with my hair. Or touch her poop as I am trying to change her. No one told me that my oldest child would squeeze her legs together when she pees so it pools on top of her legs and ultimately ends up on the the floor. I am three kids deep, and I clean up more bodily fluids at home than I do during a 24 total hour shift weekend at the ER!

The nurse in me feels obligated to warn the public that this why fecal matter is on literally every single thing in public. Adults get completely grossed out when some news story emerges about some fecal contaminant found on, say pop can tabs. Oh really. You're worried about that? If they had any idea how much fecal matter is on every single surface in every single public place. Or how much is on all the surfaces in your home. You know why? Much of it comes from these curious little babies that shove their hands in their pull-ups. My daughter had brown stinky hands before she played with my hair. I have no idea when she decided to dip her hands in stool. All I know is when I asked her, she replied with "I dunno mama. Last day?" Thanks. Since "last day" is how she describes anything that happened before that very second, it doesn't tell me much. So I washed my hair, washed my kid, and stalked through the house with bleach wipes cleaning any surface that I thought she may have touched. I also picked up random toys and clothes and smelled them to try and build a timeline of poop contact.

Embrace the poop. Poop is everywhere. Follow my mother's advice when I was young. "Honey don't put that in your mouth! Someone could have picked their nose and touched that!" If only she knew that really they had been picking the other end before touching it. Good hand hygiene is a thing. Buy bulk in bleach wipes. Let your kids play in the bath tub. And always... always give something a smell test before you even think about tasting it.

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